Grief Exists Outside of Death — Part 2 EPISODE 7

Grief doesn’t always come from loss in the way we were taught to recognize it. Sometimes it shows up in the quiet spaces… in friendships that fade without conflict, in identities we outgrow, and in versions of ourselves we had to release to become who we are today.

In this episode, I open up about the subtle forms of grief we don’t always acknowledge—the kind that doesn’t come with closure, but still leaves an imprint. From seasonal friendships to personal transformation, and even the deeply emotional process of redefining my spiritual identity, this conversation is about recognizing what we’ve lost… even when it wasn’t taken from us.

I share my journey through change, including the grief of letting go of who I once was, the confidence I carried, and the beliefs I was raised in. This is not about regret—it’s about honesty. It’s about understanding that growth requires release, and that grief is not always a sign that something went wrong. Sometimes it’s simply a sign that something mattered.

If you’ve ever felt the weight of change, questioned who you’re becoming, or struggled to let go of what once felt like home, this episode is for you.

Grief comes in all shapes—physical, emotional, and spiritual. And if we don’t take the time to acknowledge it, it has a way of living in the body.

Take a moment with me to breathe, to release, and to recognize that healing doesn’t always come from moving on—it comes from allowing yourself to feel.

The Spiritual Realist is edited and produced by Organized Movements

Recorded at Privicast Studio

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

This is the Spiritual Realist. And I'm Scarlett Drown. This is a space for honest conversation about spirituality, individuality, and growth. Welcome to opening your mind without pressure, performance, or pretending. From views to heavenly minded, but earthly good.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

From church fans to creed. Grandma had a jar of root. Cross hanging over the doorway. But the church still know the truth.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Let's begin. So we're gonna start with clearing the energy, making sure that no distraction comes while we spend this time together. So we stay with Basil because there were so many more topics we could talk about on grief that didn't have to do with physicality. For instance, the loss of a friendship, and I mean a platonic friendship. And not a friendship that went away because of arguments, because of pain, because of emotional strife or jealousy, but one that just simply grew apart. One that was your closest, dearest friend, and life just happened. These subtlety grieves that we have that we do not acknowledge, they all cause little hiccups in our lives because there should be some time to release that energy. Everything we have is a negative. Negativity doesn't have to exist in every aspect of our life. So sometimes it's just as simple as we were best friends in college and we graduated and life happened. You got a job here, I got a job there, and guess what? We moved forward. We grew, we outgrew each other. No one had bad feelings. As a matter of fact, sometimes when we do pick up and we do talk, it's like we're back. We're back together again. We're closer, we catch up, and then voila, 10 years later, we're back at it again, trying to reconnect, but just for a moment, just for a time. Those things matter in life. So we have to acknowledge those griefs as well, because without acknowledging it, you may feel like you're not a good friend. You may feel like life took you down a path and you have no one that you thought was going to be there. However, it's just growth. It's just growing. And sometimes growing pains also are ways to get to the next level. Here's a little tidbit about me. Yes, I'm about to let you in. I knew that at a very young age, I was a seasonal friend. I do not have friends that I have from elementary or growing up. I do not have friends that I kept from college and we didn't have separation. I do not have friends that I have on a consistent basis. Most of my friends come in, we're really, really close, and then we go out. Do I greet those friendships? Absolutely. Sometimes, none of them, as a matter of fact, end on a bad note. Most of them just fade. One day we're talking every day, the next day, not so much. And I'm okay with that because I knew from a very young age my purpose in life. And I knew that I did not have the ability to attach to so many people because of my gifts. And so, yes, I grieve people, I grieve friendships, my platonic friendships, especially the ones that just fade away. I kind of always know when an ending is coming because it's within me. And sometimes I try to warn them, but a lot of times it's no warning needed because they are also at a space where life has happened. So we just move forward. For instance, take me. I used to be 358 pounds. And I know I'm still a big girl. However, please know that at the time I was healthy, I was strong, I had great vitals. However, I was always known as the big girl with the pretty face, right? And I just wanted to look different. I had no reason to have gastrobypass. I had no physical reason. I was not ill. I was not borderline. I didn't have high cholesterol. I had a great blood pressure. Actually, I was a little more active, bigger than I am right now. But I just wanted to look different. I wanted to let go of the big girl mentality or the big girl physicality. And so I chose to have an elective surgery. But in that, I had to grieve how I ate. I had to grieve what I ate. I had to grieve what I looked like. I had to grieve what I identified as. And to be clear, I had way more confidence at 358 than I did as a size six. I had way more personality at 358 than I did as a size six. I had way more gunction and way less fear as a big girl. I had to grieve what I was known for, the big girl with the pretty face that wore the high-heeled shoes. I had to grieve being able to get people to talk to me or get people to like me because of my size versus my personality. I would tell all my friends, we would go out, and guess what? Your girl could pull them. At 358, your girl could pull them. However, I was confident in that because if you liked me, you liked me. It wasn't because of my size, you liked me because of who I was. But when I lost the weight, I questioned: did you like me because of my personality? Or you liked me because of what I did? Because I was competing with the same caliber of people. I was in an average size. I was now an average person. Was I as confident? Absolutely not. I grieved at confidence. I remember thinking to myself and feeling out of body because I didn't look the same. I could no longer identify as a big girl. Now up here, I was a big girl. But out here, I was not. What did I do with that? How did I heal? How did I move on? It took me living in the Bahamas, doing a photo shoot with my flabby skin because they don't tell you these things while you're having the surgery of what really is going to happen to your body, which is another grief because now you're not big, but you got a lot of skin. So you have a lot of little grieves in life that take over that we don't acknowledge. We let it go. We act as if it means nothing to us when in actuality it's helping us make decisions, good or bad. It's moving us to our life that we ourselves didn't even acknowledge and take the time to say, hey, it's okay. Breathe through it, move forward, acknowledge your feeling, accept your feeling, and then move forward. We don't even take those little moments to do that. Last but not least, but it is the most important because I am the spiritual realist. It was grieving my identity as a Christian. And I know. How do you think that works? I vividly remember sitting in the car when I decided that Christianity, that label, no longer fit me. And when I tell you I had the biggest breakdown. I'm not a choir. That's not who I am. But when it happens, it happens deep. I was sobbing in the car because what was going through my head is this. How is my mom and dad gonna see me? How are the people that I'm surrounded by going to accept me? I'm going down an avenue that no one that I know of has gone before. I'm about to embark on a journey that has never been told to me, for me, and by me. I'm about to undo 40 years of doing. I'm about to unlearn what is deep buried in my soul. Is this right? Am I going the right direction? The more I ask myself those questions, the harder I cry. Because I understood that I may lose a lot of people along the way. I mean, this is the girl who grew up in church, has seven godmothers, two godfathers, who, by the way, I still call my brothers and sisters godbrothers and sisters, because we grew up in that. I still sing hymnals, I still quote scripture, I still use the word of God, but yet I don't identify as a Christian. What does that say? Am I in a reprobated mind? Have I changed my reality for sin? Is this correct for me? God guide me. And when I say sobbing, I mean snot out of nose, head down, shoulders shook, crying. It was unbelievable. The core of who I identified as was coming unglued. And when I say was coming unglued, I mean coming unglued. I said, God, guide my steps. If this is what I'm supposed to do and this is where I'm supposed to be, guide me. I know I'm gonna make mistakes. I know I'm not gonna get it right. I understand that people are gonna see me as a witch, as evil, as dark. But I know that I know I don't identify as a Christian. I know that in my hearts of hearts, I cannot stand by a religion that I myself don't believe in wholeheartedly. Not because Christianity is wrong for others, but it definitely wasn't right for me, not at this juncture. So I say to you, what is it that you feel is different? What is it that you feel is grieving you that you need to heal? What is it that you feel you need to do that will set you on a path for your true destiny? As I was asking God to guide me, I was like, hey, I need some understanding. I need to know that this is the right decision for me. And God led me to a book, and the book was called The Altar of My Soul. And this book was the book that showed me I was going in the right direction. I'm reading the book, I open the book, I go to the acknowledgments, and on the second page of the acknowledgement, there it is. My true sign. My daughter's name, by the way, who at this point was 15 years old, was in the book. It was this lady's godmother. At the time, I had no idea about Santria or Lukumi or If I. I was not even remotely aware of these things. I just knew that I grew up in the Gulagie area. I knew that my grandparents did things, how they did it. I grew up on a pig farm with my grandparents, but I had no idea what these other religions were and these other practices were. But for my child's name to be in a book that I would read 15 years later, you can't tell me that God wasn't ordering my steps. You can't tell me that God wasn't moving. You can't tell me that God wasn't saying, baby girl, this is where you belong. Because again, like I stated, God is in everything. He's in Christianity, he's in Catholicism, he's in Hinduism, he's in Islam. God is everywhere. So for me to know that this story would be sent to me, let me tell you how I found this book. I was on Amazon and I said, Lord, help me guide me to something that would help me learn about different religions. And I just typed in altars, and this book popped up. That's how I found it. It was the first book that popped up. So if you're looking for guidance and you're feeling that there's something different or another way that you could go to express your faith, take a chance. Ask God. Ask God to help you guide you along this spiritual journey. And as far as grief, there are things we can do to bring us back, to help us relieve, to help us emotionally heal. Remember, grief comes in all shapes and forms, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We have to relieve grief because grief can live in your body. Grief can show up as sickness, grief can show up as stress, grief can show up as bumps on your face. Literally, grief has to be released. Remember, God is not fragile, he's solid as a rock because he is our rock. Grief does not mean that you betrayed. Grief does not mean dishonor. It means that there's a release coming. Here's some ways that you can use to open up your heart chakra or your heart center. We're going to place our hands in a prayer stance. You're going to cross the last three fingers. Your index fingers will stay pointed up. Your left thumb will cross your right thumb, and you will place your hands at heart center. You would breathe in. You will breathe out. And you can chant something as simple as I release the grief buried in the deep. I did not let go. I release the emotional grief. I release the grief of identity. I release the grief of losing my heart's desire. Sit there for a moment. Breathe in. Breathe out. You can do that as many times as you like. You can do that every day. As much as it takes for you to let go of grief. Unschollic drought, earthly good and heavenly minded. Remember, grief doesn't mean something went wrong. Sometimes grief just means the courage to change. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight. O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. If something about this episode stays with you, then you're exactly who this space is for. Share with a friend you think should be here too. You can watch on YouTube, listen on all the podcast platforms, and continue the conversation at The Spiritual Realist. I'm Scarlett Drow, heavenly minded but earthly good. Until next time. The Spiritual Realist is produced by Organized Movement.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

I went from the river, from O to touch the dirt. I let the spirit guide me to the heart of the earth card and throw.