Letting Go of Labels - Episode 10

This episode is deeply personal.

I’m talking about what happens when God forces you to release a version of yourself that once brought you success, validation, purpose, and applause. For me, that was owning a restaurant that became a cornerstone in the community before COVID changed everything overnight.

I share the grief of losing something we built with our own hands, the pressure of carrying labels that no longer fit, and the internal battle of deciding whether to keep chasing a title or finally choose myself. This conversation is for anyone struggling to let go of who they used to be, especially when that version of them was admired, successful, or deeply tied to their identity.

We’re unpacking the weight of labels, burnout, self-worth, purpose, capitalism, relationships, and what it really means to surrender the need to constantly produce in order to feel valuable.

You are more than your title.
More than your productivity.
More than what people clap for.

Sometimes the most aligned thing you can do is let go.

I’m Scarlett Draught, Heavenly minded but earthly good.

The Spiritual Realist is edited and produced by Organized Movements

Recorded at Privicast Studio

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is the Spiritual Realist, and I'm Scarlett Drown. This is a space for honest conversation about spirituality, individuality, and growth. Welcome to opening your mind without pressure, performance, or pretending. From views to heavenly minded, but earthly good.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

From church fans to creed. Grandma had a jar of root. Cross hanging over the doorway. But the church still knew the truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Let's begin.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Let the spirit speak.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Open my handy dandy alabaster box and we have cedar wood. You can burn the actual property or you can add some essential oil for cedar wood into your air diffuser. Cedar wood is good for stability, inner authority, and rooted identity. It also was used in the building of Solomon's Temple. And today I really want to focus on letting go of labels. And labels of all sorts, but mainly when you have to let go of a label and it was successful. For example, my spouse and I, pre-COVID, bought a restaurant that was failing. And we wanted to rejuvenate this restaurant because it was already in a food desert. And we wanted to just do something different that was outside of the box that we had already done. Now, mind you, it really was my spouse's idea to buy this restaurant. However, I went with it, never having any experience in the food industry, just grew up cooking, you know, on the farm, cooking in the house, cooking at big events. And really, out of the blue, it was successful. It was a big hit amongst the community. It was a big hit amongst the area. And it was really successful. Fast forward about a year and a half, and COVID hits. Now we have to close down. And we went from like being a big restaurant, uh service, and community advocate to nothing. I mean, we were shut down, right? Everybody was. And boy, what an amazing sadness I had. Because to tell you the truth, at this point, we had used all our savings to buy the restaurant. We had putting everything we had in the restaurant. And by the grace of God, we had to make a personal decision right before that. To save our marriage, my wife decided to work outside of the restaurant because it is really difficult to work in that environment with your spouse, and that this is the only income coming in. So literally December, she took a job outside of the restaurant, and I stayed in the restaurant. And March, we were done, right? The restaurant closed, and thank God she was able to continue her job. And that's how we, you know, alleviated some of the pressure. However, for me, I was losing what we had taken about two and a half years to build, which was community, a sense of stability for not just me, but for the community. I mean, customers came in, and if they got paid every two weeks, they would run a tab. And sometimes I understood that that is the only time that they could eat is breakfast and lunch. And sometimes I would give dinner plates. We had a customer who was buying the house and he couldn't move money for two weeks. And he asked, can I just buy food on a tab? And once I close, then can I pay you out? So, yes, we had sacred priests come and burn ashes in our backyard to give out throughout his community, but he knew that they would not be touched and they would be secure. That's the kind of restaurant we had. It was like cheers, the black version, right? Everybody knew your name. I had customers become friends at booths in our restaurant. People would come and bring their lunch and I would warm it up because it wasn't about them buying something. It was about the community of the restaurant. And then here comes COVID. And who am I? Who am I now? I am just another restaurant owner who can't open her doors. I tried a food truck for a while with my friend of ours, and that was good, but it didn't give me the same satisfaction as being in that building. Because in that building, I learned to commune with my ancestors. In that building, I learned to have faith beyond borders. Because some days I was so exhausted, I didn't even know how I was going to make the next dish. And it wasn't a big restaurant. It was myself and one other worker, and that was it. And we ran a very successful space. However, when COVID hit, I had to make a decision. Was I going to continue this job and continue this restaurant? Or was I going to end it? And let's be clear, we made really good money in that restaurant. And now I'm going from this to zero, not making a dollar. Still had bills, still had things, still had items that we rented, still had electricity bill, water bill, gas bill. None of that stopped. Everybody still wanted their money, but I couldn't, I couldn't even make a dish in the restaurant because you couldn't even open it. What was I gonna do? The label of a stinged restaurant owner gone. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. How was I supposed to get and do something different? How was I supposed to make that money up? How was I supposed to regain that title of God? It feels so good when you walk in the building. God, something about this place. What was I gonna be known for then? How was I gonna be special? Because that restaurant was special to us. With that being said, let's backtrack a little. Prior to the restaurant closing, we lost the label of us being both owners in the restaurant for the entirety of the day. Because my spouse was no longer there. She had to take a job outside. And the reason why is because we chose us as a couple. And we just had a lot of hardships with managing and losses within the restaurant and trying to manage all of the things that came with the restaurant and our household together. Now, some couples, they got it. They got it made. They can work together, they insert, they unlock, whatever. However, that's not for everybody. And it just didn't work for us. It didn't work in the capacity that we would love it to work. We work well together. And everybody who knows us knows we work together. We're definitely locked in, okay? We definitely are each other's ebb and flow. She's my yin, I'm her yang, I'm her yin, she's my yang. However, in that setting, it just didn't work because if you don't know, the restaurant industry is a high stress, fast-moving paced profession. And if you don't have it, or if there's a lot of stresses, I should say, it just gets a lot complicated. And so it didn't work for us. And so when people were not seeing her in the restaurant, people question what happened to them, da-da-da, whatever, whatever. When that wasn't it. We just chose that we would love each other over the monitorial benefit of us being at the same place at the same time. With that being said, let's talk about the closing of the restaurant. And it was a decision. It was a hardcore decision. My spouse asked me a hundred times, is that what I want to do? Do I want to go back? Do I want to reopen? Do I want to find a different location? Do I want to ebb and flow and weasel myself back into the industry? And I took a lot of time to think about it. The mental torment that was going on in my head during COVID about what are we going to do? How am I going to replace the income that we had? I can't even express it. Like, even talking now, my brain and my body is like, because it was one of the most devastating and resilient decisions I ever had to make. And the reason why I say resilient is because I chose me. I chose me over money. I chose me over a label. I chose me over others. I knew that I had been exhausted, which I did not know before. I knew that I had given all that I had to give, which I didn't understand before. I knew that I was ready to do something different, and I was tired. And I still, to this day, right now, if you Google our restaurant, it has, it gets at least 30,000 hits. And we have not been open since COVID. But that's a testament to what we decided our space was going to be. We still see customers to this day. When you guys gonna open? Why you ain't open yet? Where you going? Guess what? God saw different. God used the restaurant as an avenue for me to open up my spirituality so that I can be here with you guys, so that I can help someone else who's going down a path of change in their life to see something different and to have a different light or have a different perspective. I'm saying all this to say, listen, a label does not make you. If you are a mom or sister, a brother, a dad, an uncle, a CEO, a CFO, a CPA, a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, those are just labels. I employ you to choose you. It's okay to take those labels off. It's okay to choose something different. Taking off a label and choosing you does not mean you forsake your responsibility. If you're a mom, mother. If you're a father, father. That is your responsibility. But does that have to define who you are 24 hours a day? Absolutely not. You're free to make decisions that are worthy of self-care for you. Just like others are free to choose what's best for them. Now let's tie this together. Success is a label, it's not who you are. Wealth is a metric, it's not what you're worth. Capitalism is a trap. Purpose and productivity, it's not interchangeable. Slowing down does not equal failure. Choosing self can require the surrendering of applause. Just because your label says you should do it doesn't mean it's in your divine destiny to do it. Letting go doesn't mean you shrink. Letting go means you choose you. Sometimes labels feel heavy because they can't carry a heavy burden. There's times where you should sit with yourself, examine yourself, make sure that you are there wholly, fully, and of one sound mind. So that you can be honest with yourself about the labels. If you would like, I invite you to do some breath work. We're going to inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds. Now, sometimes it takes your body a while to get used to this. I have gotten up to 10 seconds where I can inhale for 10, hold for 10, and exhale for 10. But that takes practice. I invite you to while you're inhaling, take inventory. While you're holding, be honest with yourself. And while you're exhaling, let go. If it doesn't fit you, if it doesn't suit you, then it's not for you. With that being said, I'm not telling you to forsake your responsibilities. However, make sure that when that task is done, that you are caring for you. I'm Scarlet Drought, earthly good, but heavenly minded. You are more than what you produce. You are more than what you achieve. And sometimes letting go is the most aligned thing you can do. In closing, let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight. O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. Always choose the higher version of you. From church fans to create. If something about this episode stayed with you, then you're exactly who this space is for. Share with a friend you think should be here too. You can watch on YouTube, listen on all the podcast platforms, and continue the conversation at The Spiritual Realist. I'm Scarlett Drow, heavenly minded but earthly good. Until next time. The Spiritual Realist is produced by Organized Movement.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I went from head to the river, from folded heads, to touch the dirt. I let the spirit guide me to the hurts of the earth garlic road. I remember every story that they spoke in the words. I'm empowered by the spirit strength, by the distance.